Ask me anything

I was always impressed with her wit, her beauty, her intelligence, and her sense of humor.
Real-Ass Makeup Problems

thefrenemy:

-bottom-lashes, you basic assholes. Getting mascara on them is like eating glass because it makes your smile look beautiful.

-almost putting on your dark red, long-last, rub-this-shit-off-with-gasoline on perfectly and then you smear it at the last minute.

-buying expensive foundation (that…

2 weeks ago
975 notes
MBTI Types in a Horror Movie

iminfj:

ISTJ: The one in denial that there’s actually a killer
ISFJ: The one who calls out “Who’s there?” as if the killer will answer
ESTJ: The one who tries to tell everyone else what to do
ESFJ: The one who screams at everything
ISTP: The one who finds a really good hiding place

INFJ: The one who knows what’s going on but no one will listen to them

Just call me Cassandra. (any other nerds get that?)

2 weeks ago
22,619 notes
me:i hate all bears except sun bears
me:especially when they think they're people.
me:thank God i'm married. i could never fill out a dating profile.
me:"turn ons: the footloose soundtrack, peeling off a continuous sheet of skin after a sunburn. turn offs: bears acting like people."
whitney:OH MY KITTENS I JUST GOOGLED SUN BEAR WHAT THE HELL
whitney:if i were of the persuasion, the sun bear would be my #1 reason to deny evolution. only the devil himself could make that.
whitney:wait...
whitney:no
whitney:devils don't make things.
whitney:this is why i'm not a republican. this type of logic fails me.
2 weeks ago
11 notes
Good Times To Say No

thefrenemy:

-when you really don’t want to go to the thing

-when you know there is no freakin’ way you are going to be up that early

-when it’s late enough to take a cab, not walk or take the subway

-“Do you have a boyfriend?” “No, I’m just not interested.” In a perfect world, we would be able to do this…

2 weeks ago
421 notes
animalstalkinginallcaps:

YOU WANT TO GET A PIZZA AFTER THIS?
Yeah, sure. Papa John’s is doing a two-for-one special.
AREN’T THEY ALWAYS?
Kind of. Yes.
NOT MUCH OF A SPECIAL THEN, IS IT?
Good point. Can you hand me the body wash?
NO, BUT I CAN PICK IT UP WITH MY MOUTH AND THEN DROP IT ON YOU.
Close enough.

animalstalkinginallcaps:

YOU WANT TO GET A PIZZA AFTER THIS?

Yeah, sure. Papa John’s is doing a two-for-one special.

AREN’T THEY ALWAYS?

Kind of. Yes.

NOT MUCH OF A SPECIAL THEN, IS IT?

Good point. Can you hand me the body wash?

NO, BUT I CAN PICK IT UP WITH MY MOUTH AND THEN DROP IT ON YOU.

Close enough.

2 weeks ago
1,728 notes

it continues

me:i think a sun bear would be a serial murderer. and not a hot one like dexter. a gross one who kills you when he's naked like trinity.
lindsey:i feel like if all bears as people would be serial murderers. the polar bear would be the hot one. the sun bear would be one of those movie killers who are all giggly and spout nonsense
me:no, the polar bear would be the worst of them all. like a dictator that you don't realize is a dictator until it's too late. then, fascism.
me:why the hell are we having this conversation?
lindsey:...
me:...don't leave me hanging. i cannot end my day on a conversation about which bear would be the hot serial murderer.
2 weeks ago
3 notes